When we run, use our legs
Not our hands, breaths nor mind.
When we study, we use our brains,
Not our hearts fearful of judgement.
When we love, we use our hearts,
Not our minds that cant feel.
FOCUS!
passion
i never had this feeling for a long time alr. that feeling of excitness in every min, satisfaction in making everyball and the committment to keep pool as my hobby. i never want to give up. i want to practice practice practice and join competitions.
i just love that feeling when both u and your competitor are so close in standards, trying our best to win each other in a friendly and open attitude purely for the love of the game. how we pot the balls, to how we position the ball to where we desire to how we hide the ball to make each other foul.
i learnt several stuff from pool practice on thursday and while playing pool with clement just now.
1) dont fear. once i start fearing and doubting in myself if i could make a shot, i missed 70% of the time. i find myself v susceptible to this weakness. im very affected by how ppl would view me when i play, if im good enuff to make a tough shot. but if im to put all those things aside and just focus on making a shot without any worries holding me, i find i its a very simple shot actually. reminds me to have faith in what i do. haha
2) if not confident of a shot, then dont shoot. no point bending lower, straining your eyes, going to awkard position which is not comfortable at all. just do a safety play which is easier and give that tough position to your opponent instead. haha.
oh man. i hope this passion could be used to serve and glorify God in one way or another. maybe next time can hold a CAC Annual Pool Competition or play gentlemently in every game, keeping calm in all situations. haha. who knows.
really yearn to improve!!
crumbling paper
i feel so irritated and disappointed with everything. heard of big hopes bring big failures. i think its more of big effort bring more downfalls.
i feel so unappreciated for everything that i have been doing. when u care for a friend and that friend doesnt get it. thinking that their shallow friends who speak of lovely words are their best friends. when ur closest friend whom u thought would be the friends for lifetime change and u no longer can open up to him as u did. why care for ur friends so much.
when you try your best with all ur strength, thoughts, actions to fight for something you thought is good and worth pushing for, at the expense of half your world, and someone come and took over what ever u did. and everyone felt there was direction set when what you and that guy have been doing is similar. one came in with such authority and direction that others would love to meet up again even if its pointless or talk 2hours over something that could be done over 20mins. maybe ones character is born such that he must talk alot and lead ppl to join him and reach to a conclusion. maybe thats wad charisma means. if thats the case, im Mr Plain Jane. i will just go with the flow, support, and continue to keep it in prayer. pls dun fall leader. i will be v disappointed not just with u, but with myself, for not taking the initiative to lead, and others for they see with their eyes. sorry, just being frank.
when u come home, u see your work load you have and just the thought of running through them in your mind is tiring enough. when foreseeing that u will be facing financial problems, ask your closest mom for help and pay for the camp fee, she would say till as if $40 is saved from 200 20cents coins she’d save from arguing with the fishmonger for a discount. it makes u just so embarrass to ask her for money at a age like this. but mom, dont u know till now that i wouldnt ask for help unless im really pretty much at the end of the jetty. and when u look at the whole family culture, u would helplessly hope to be born in another family- fun loving, caring, outgoing, supportive. instead of always focusing on success, money and winning.
maybe i should just be more selfish. for no one thing is worth investing for forever. be more Mr Loner for no friends are worth your effort. why do i have to always go against the changes and try to do the best with the motto ‘The Best is Yet to Be’. maybe we shld go with changes, go with the flow. it might just make u into a better man. i have given up a big part of my principle: love others more than self, to give more that what others deserve.
Lord, i will stop doing all these things. it may be its all from my interpretation right from the start. im just going to focus more on You, focus more on me. Dont let me down God, or i would just head down with no more reason to live properly-either become a selfish man full of sorrows and emptiness or a living dead man walking.
cynthia’s wedding
todays, wedding was one of the most meaningful ones ive ever attended. everyone was sincerely wishing Cynthia and Moses a blissful and eternal marriage. it was such a warm event seeing all the old faces that are ‘lost’ from your memory gathering and wishing the newly weds sincerely. and a gentle warm touch over ur inner side when Cynthia struggled to read the last sentence, ’till death do us apart’. another reason i thought why the ceremony was so ‘homely- warm’ was because every section was a reminder that the Cynthia and Moses could be married on that spot was because of God’s grace and providence. such a great reminder that we are one in the family of God.
there was however, a weird stir of feelings seeing everyone so close in such an event filled with happiness. has anyone of us feel tat life isnt lived to the fullest? that you are not as close to your friends as u wish u could be as those that seems to be so close among their group. or sometimes just feel happy being together, but dint know how to get ur ‘message’ across. occasionally, when the night falls, there would be a strange indescrible feeling that stirs up within you, seemingly like your heart asking your mind, ‘are u living life to the fullest? does the ppl arnd you know tat u care? if u are sincerely happy in a particular scene or just simply able to see someone, why do u have to think how should u do? are u building walls instead of bridges?’ i feel happy seeing pam and deb. but it was just so awkard to go up and ask them how they are doing now and if everything is well. i feel happy to see lumina dressed so beautifully, but just find it weird and out of the blue to just praise them. i feel happy that cynthia and moses are finally blessed togther, but just find it hard to open that mountain full of gold-filled mouth to wish them a lifetime spent together. i want to change this man. i want ppl to know wad am i thinking instead of just seeing me stoning in my thoughts. i want ppl to feel my feelings instead of just being a wet blanket in the midst. i dun care if its the family culture not to praise ppl, or friendship ring that is over conservative, i want to be known inside out. i dun wanna get that regretful feeling that my time with my friends are not well spent.
pressurized
its the first week of school and im starting to feel pressurized- that kind of feeling as though u are being squeezed by 10 fat people against the wall.
just took up a pri 6 boy for tuition. his name is william, a hong kee, very responsive and absorbs fast. but i dunnoe how to go abt teaching him. where to start? his mid-sems is in 2 weeks time and he is still scoring 40plus for english and maths. lol. i tried looking for good ass. books for him 2 days this week alr, but all seems the same and i dont know which to choose. how i wish there is a Grand Tutor for all tutors, teaching them how to teach, recommending good ass. books etc. lol. i really wanna be a good tutor that knows my stuff and help him get his As man. so i asked him to pass me the past years paper his mom bought for him, going to do some of them. i cant solve some of the wrong questions he did in his recent test, so ashamed of myself. lolol. i was smoking through throughout the first session. when i tried and i dunnoe, told him we will come back again, and i never did. lol.
tat boy can speak pretty good english, but he doesnt know the basics and how to spell. so he cant do speak proper english during aural and do good compositions. how to teach him so much in 4 months. lol. in addition to this plight, i forgotten how to do compositions and format of situational writings. so much things to catch up before teaching him man. it really requires faith this time. lolol.
and i still got my own sch work to worry about. poly friends are so fickle, they seems so close to u in one sem and when they found their old friends, they aint as close to u anymore. trying to find the hardworking and yet humble ppl in class to form the project grp. God pls bless me with good mates. lol.
so much things to be done in just the first week of sch. not a very good start, at all. lol. grant me new strength every morning. O God.
